levity: (daydream team)
If you are flinging mud at and/or making stupid smartass comments at the expense of my team and my manager I will assume that it is because you love them and are fed up with the way they've been running the show. If not then I reserve the right to dislike you immensely.
levity: (daydream team)
Best things, best things:
- when your commentators start singing "Na na na na na na na, na na na na, Giroud" along with the Emirates
- the cameras panning over to document Thierry Henry's palpable delight whenever Arsenal score a goal
- PER. PEEER.
- Spurs having to play with ten men for 60-odd minutes
- because of really unquestionably red red cards
- Wojciech Szczesny, Arsenal's number one
- GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAH no I will never be over his song
- this team, this crazy team, only one that makes you more nervous when you're 2-0 up than when you're 1-0 down
- North London derbies


ETA: Theo, that was a beauty. Santi Cazorla, your entire game is a beauty. I am making small high-pitched noises at Theo walking off the pitch with his arm slung over Gareth Bale's shoulders.
levity: (daydream team)
Arsenal FC, YOU ARE DEPRESSING. YOU ARE SO DEPRESSING I DO NOT KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER. That is a lie, of course, but it's the spirit of the thing.


ETA just as I was writing this: I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT ALL BACK. AAARSENAL.


ETA 2: Why do people even bother with the whole "Say what you like about Arsenal, they're never boring" route? I say what I like about Arsenal! And they are never boring! I'd just like crushing wins and holding on to two-goal leads once in a while! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THE DRAMA ALL THE TIME, ARSENAL.

But Olivier Giroud, though.
levity: (mes que un club)
HOLY CARP, BARCELONA, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.


ETA: The football gods heard me, and sent their response via their vessel on earth, Lionel Messi. He and Cris are making deals and laughing at all us peons, just you wait and see.


ETA2: ANO BA YAN. ANO BA YAN.
levity: (daydream team)
ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY IS A DOUBLE MANCHESTER LOSS. IS THAT SO HARD?

CLEARLY. I love football. No sarcasm.


ETA: Santi Cazorla is a wonder and a revelation and I love him. Carl Jenkinson- is not disproving the common perception that all our defenders are wingers in disguise, but he's the kid who's clearly thrilled that he's playing for the club of his dreams, and who is proving he can do it, and so I love him too.

And Arsenal, this has been your game, what the hell was that concession.


Son of ETA: I was just about to post screaming at the guys to just shoot, and then. KOOOOS. ALL OUR DEFENDERS ARE FORWARDS IN DISGUISE. GO GO GO.
levity: (clarity)
THE Cathedral bell, tolled, could never tell;
nor the Liver Birds, mute in their stone spell;
or the Mersey, though seagulls wailed, cursed, overhead,
in no language for the slandered dead...
not the raw, red throat of the Kop, keening,
or the cops’ words, censored of meaning;
not the clock, slow handclapping the coroner’s deadline,
or the memo to Thatcher, or the tabloid headline...
but fathers told of their daughters; the names of sons
on the lips of their mothers like prayers; lost ones
honoured for bitter years by orphan, cousin, wife -
not a matter of football, but of life.
Over this great city, light after long dark;
truth, the sweet silver song of the lark.
levity: (mes que un club)
Happy Martial Law Day to everyone who still thinks that Ferdinand Marcos is the best thing to ever happen to the Philippines, can't all you plebians screaming about human rights see that, OMG!!1 My only hope for you is that you grow a brain sometime within the next century. And also to you, Tito Sotto, but for you holding on hope would be the height of foolishness and inefficiency.

---

Overdosing on all the Champions League qualifiers I wasn't able to see live. Sometimes I feel like football is the only wonderful thing in the world; it's not true, of course, but it feels like it.


ETA: Jose Mourinho you are perfect to me.

From the post-match interviews:

Reporter: Do you credit Real?
Joe Hart: No.


and

Reporter: Do you feel any sympathy for Manchester City?
Jose Mourinho: No.
levity: (daydream team)
GOOOOOL. GOOOOOL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SCORED, MY STREAM IS AT A STANDSTILL HALF THE TIME AND PIXELLATED THE OTHER HALF AND I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS AN OWN GOAL BY SOUTHAMPTON, BUT WE ARE 1-0 UP EARLY IN THE GAME AND MY STREAM IS IN SPANISH (I love how they pronounce "Oxlade-Chamberlain". And "Jenkinson".) AND SO I DON'T EVEN CAAAARE, I WILL MILK THIS FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. GOOOOOL. GOOOOOOOL.


ETA: I know the goalscorer's name! It's Hooiveld, which must be ridiculously fun to say, though probably not as much as "salpingooophorectomy".


ETA the second: GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAH, GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAH. I have not actually seen either of the goals, but I don't want to change my horrible stream because I haven't yet found an exception to the rule that all sports fans are superstitious.


ETA the third: APPARENTLY I AM DOOMED NEVER TO SEE ANY GOALS, BECAUSE IN THE TIME THAT IT TOOK ME TO SWITCH OUT STREAMS WE'VE SCORED TWO. I LOVE THIS TEAM. I LOVE THIS TEAM. AND ONLY AN ARSENAL FAN WOULD EVEN CONSIDER THIS A POSSIBILITY, BUT: GUYS. PLEASE DON'T SCREW THIS UP.


ETA the fourth: I hope to God and Arsene Wenger that I did not jinx this.

Everyone's going to be gushing about Lukas Podolski's wonderful curling freekick (AND RIGHTLY, WALANG SINABI SA IYO SI DAVID BECKHAM, LU-LU-LU-LUKAS PODOLSKI) but I would like to direct your attention to the gorgeous piece of footwork from Santi Cazorla that led to Mikel Arteta's almost lazy assist for Gervinho's goal. And say what you like about Gibbo as a defender (actually, don't, he's a young talented player who tends to make bad decisions, so, typically Arsenal), his performance was fantastic. The argument can be made that all our defenders are wingers in disguise. Whoever made up Verma's chant would certainly agree.


ETA the last: At least I saw Theo's goal. Why the hell is the Guardian's minute-by-minute cover photo Anton Ferdinand ignoring John Terry's handshake? Which really means: John Terry called Anton Ferdinand by a racist slur, no amount of handshaking will do anything about that, so will you please shut it until you and the FA and the rest of British media can show that you can deal with racism beyond banners before games, my gulay.

Gervinho, you belong with us. What can I say, erratic but talented is practically our middle name. Santi Cazorla is a magician and a joy and a sight for sore eyes. Theo, Jenks, Gibbo, Mikel, Wojciech you insane human being- I want to draw hearts around this entire team, but it's not like that's anything new.
levity: (daydream team)
GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAAAAAH.

---

ETA: And if he has a great song I haven't heard it yet, but he needs one immediately. SANTI CAZORLAAAA IS THIS WHAT GOALS FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW I HAVEN'T HAD THEM IN A LONG TIME. HEY ARSENAL SINCE WHEN WERE YOU THIS EFFICIENT WITH YOUR CHANCES.

Can't remember when the last time we didn't have more corners than the other team was, though.


Son of ETA: But seriously, guys, do you have the feeling that this game was held in a mirror world where Liverpool are us, flashy and wasteful and careless? Also: when did Liverpool get this good?


ETA the Third: Vito Mannone and Abou Diaby, take a bow.
levity: (daydream team)
SEASON NA SEASON NA SEASON NAAAAAA.

THIS ONE'S OURS. SCREW YOU, RVP, SCREW YOUUUU. IN ARSENE WE TRUST.

HAVE I EVER EXPRESSED THE THOUGHT THAT THE THINGS EXIST THAT MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN ARSENAL FC? IF SO, MEA CULPA. MEA MAXIMA CULPA.

ALSO: WOJCIECH SZCZESNY, ARSENAL'S NUMBER ONE.

---

ETA: We never win the first game of the season, do we?

On the bright side, our new signings are bloody brilliant.
levity: (beauty is a hint of storm)
Okay, so I was wondering what Cesc's shirt said, and whose face was on Sergio Ramos's shirt, and then I realised that they were the footballing people who had died recently. That plus Giorgio Chiellini sobbing his eyes out (Mario was the logical conclusion, of course Mario was the logical conclusion, you wouldn't have that lit-fuse temper if you didn't care too much, and Andrea is kind of designed to be this brilliant tragic figure, but Chiellini is something else entirely) and the Spaniards forming a guard of honor for the Italians meant I ended up in tears too. Football. No matter the result, it breaks your heart.
levity: (beauty is a hint of storm)
There are probably better ways to say fuck you to everyone who's ever made monkey noises or thrown bananas than scoring a brace in the Euro semifinals, but I can't for the life of me imagine what they could be.

Translation: MARIO!!!!!

---

Manu Neuer playing as an outfield player may be the second-best thing I have seen in my life as of yesterday.

---

Dad: Barcelona versus Juventus, sino kampi natin? Juventus?
Me: Barcelona!
Dad: WHAT? BLASPHEMY.

I am doomed to live with Juventini forever.
levity: (mes que un club)
How do you even begin to explain the continued existence of Andrea Pirlo? Sometimes I think the only option left is to file it under "act of God", and let it be.

---

I love my buddy line.

---

There was once a time when I did not know of the existence of Lionel Messi. Those were simpler times.

This day two years ago the Best Block Ever (TM) was sitting in the second-floor corridor right above the RH Batcave waiting for Humanidades to start and Allison was talking about the footballer people were saying was the best in the world, who had a childhood growth hormone deficiency and whose medications were paid for by a club who watched him play and decided to take a chance on his future, who played for Argentina and, right, had a birthday coming up. At the time my knowledge of football amounted to: 1. the World Cup was going on, 2. you're not allowed to use your hands, and 3. whoever scored the most goals won.

Lives are changed in the most unlikely ways.

So. One day late, but it's the thought, etc. Felicidades, crack.
levity: (bring it)
Fucking Netherlands. You talented batshit orange disastrous headache of a drama queen team.

I mean, instead of storming down the tunnel or sulking on the bench like any other substituted player Arjen Robben walked around the entire football pitch, in front of all the cameras. And then sat down beside the tunnel, and Mark van Bommel joined him. Just. Guys. I don't even really support you, it's just that Robin our reliable Captain Vantastic suddenly reverts to rebellious teenagerhood when playing for his national team and I want him to win an international trophy. If I were Maarten Stekelenberg I would be pulling my hair out in despair and agony.

---

Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about Cristiano Ronaldo.

Look, I love the guy. I love him because he's a crazy superstar who does, like, Armani jeans ads with a ridiculous self-aware sort of earnestness under all the artifice and who wears the stupidest things and who goes on interviews and says that people are probably booing him because he's rich, handsome, and good at football, complete with a laugh just for the camera. I love him because he's always under fire, always second-best, and because he never does anything to indicate that it's entered his mind that he could be anything but the best in the world. I love the bluster and the wide grins and the way he tries so hard to keep Cris Junior out of the limelight and I love the utter- I don't even know what the word for it is- I love the absurd certainty he has that is necessary in anyone willing to make their kid a junior. I love the guy, but with all the noise I'd forgotten what the noise was about. I'd forgotten just how good he could be.

And against Holland- you're going to be hearing this from all the pundits, but he was just so good. When Nani sent that pass to him for his second goal and he took one touch on the ball and trapped it at his feet and pulled back, and the Dutch defender going after him skidded ahead and that was when he made the shot- holy carp. It was such a Cristiano Ronaldo goal, pace and flair and composure, and did you say anything about shutting critics up? Yeah.
levity: (Default)
The Italian federation's president, Giancarlo Abete, said he believes Balotelli will recover from his disappointing display against Spain. "Balotelli made his contribution but he must try to understand the reality of playing in a major international competition in which there is no forgiveness," Abete told Italy's Radio Anch'io Sport. "He nevertheless put the Spanish defence under pressure. Balotelli will not allow himself to be disheartened."


(from the Guardian's Euro coverage)

REALLY. REALLY.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, UEFA. PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO AVOID TOURNAMENTS BECAUSE THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT BEING HARRASSED IN THE STREETS. PLAYING FOOTBALL DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN BE CALLED A MONKEY ON THE PITCH (or, well, ANYWHERE ELSE), AND HAVE IT SEEN AS SOMETHING YOU HAD COMING.

NO I WILL NOT TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK. THOUGH MY FOOTBALL TAG SEEMS ABSURDLY INAPPROPRIATE, GIVEN.
levity: (Default)
Apparently Vicente del Bosque was made a marquis for winning Spain the World Cup. I did not know this- I didn't even know you could make someone a marquis (exceptions of course for felines in human footwear). If my comms turn out to be wrong on this I will be very, very sad.

---

One of these days I may yet be able to write about football matches in a way that, you know, actually reflects the match, while managing to be readable, with minimal to zero amounts of capslocking at everyone on the pitch. If ever, it would probably have to be a very boring match. In the meantime you're stuck with endless variations on I miss Guaje/EVERYONE misses Guaje/I miss Puyi/Wojciech Szczesny you are insane.

---

But seriously, Woj, who gets a red card on the opening game of the Euros?

---

My feelings for Mario Balotelli are similar to my feelings for the Intarmedkids- it's impossible not to love him, but it's equally impossible to love him continuously. I keep on saying that I have long since been over these brilliant furious stubborn kids with chips on their shoulders and something to prove, but no one has ever believed me, not even me. Oh well.

Regardless: look at Sergio Ramos's feet, that was a foul, stop berating him for not getting the goal.

---

My comms described Antonio di Natale as a busy bee. It is not an inaccurate description. You have Andrea Pirlo, who moves across the pitch like water, and you have David Villa, sharp and compact like an arrow singing home, and then you have Toto di Natale, who just keeps running and ends up everywhere.

---

My boy started. My boy started and my boy scored the other goal- which he had coming, really- and I am aware of how ridiculous it is to be proud of a millionaire footballer I will never meet and who captained my club and then left to go home (sometimes I am a very bitter person), but the fact remains.

Also, I will never stop being amused by the fact that Vicente del Bosque didn't start any strikers.
levity: (mes que un club)
It's the Sids 2012!

Best team

First, an honorary mention for Mirandés, the Second Division B side who reached the Copa del Rey semi-final and won promotion. But this season's best team, and the best story for years, were Levante. Every Monday, the club's groundsman Raimón climbs the stands and, in order of the league table, raises the flags up the poles that run along the back of the stands. For the first time ever, this season he hoisted Levante's into first place. They held on there until week nine, when they were knocked off and written off. But Levante resisted their inevitable slide down the table and kept on competing, right to the end. So what? Well, this is the club that has spent a total of less than €500,000 on players in the last four years combined, whose sporting director says "players run away when they hear what we have to offer", who have the oldest defence in the history of the league and a team packed with cast-offs, has-beens and never-really-weres, Spanish football's Expendables. As if that was not enough, their main striker had joined on loan from Sevilla – where he had scored one goal in five years – and had a clause in his contract saying that he automatically had to return if he scored 18 goals this season, which he was never going to do. So when he got to 17 he suddenly picked up a mysterious "injury" that meant he missed the final, decisive games of the season. And still they made it into Europe for the first time ever. So what's the secret? The secret, says the club's doctor, is simple: "Beer and pizza."




In a season of superlatives and insanity, Levante are kindasorta the story of the season. (This is not just because I am a culé.) When he was asked why fans gave him such a horrible reception at Dinamo Zagreb, Cristiano Ronaldo quipped that perhaps they were jealous of him because he was rich, handsome, and a great player. That weekend Levante put up banners admitting they were "poor, ugly, and bad at football". They beat Real Madrid 1-0. That's the kind of story they were.

levity: (mes que un club)
It's the Sids 2012!

Best team

First, an honorary mention for Mirandés, the Second Division B side who reached the Copa del Rey semi-final and won promotion. But this season's best team, and the best story for years, were Levante. Every Monday, the club's groundsman Raimón climbs the stands and, in order of the league table, raises the flags up the poles that run along the back of the stands. For the first time ever, this season he hoisted Levante's into first place. They held on there until week nine, when they were knocked off and written off. But Levante resisted their inevitable slide down the table and kept on competing, right to the end. So what? Well, this is the club that has spent a total of less than €500,000 on players in the last four years combined, whose sporting director says "players run away when they hear what we have to offer", who have the oldest defence in the history of the league and a team packed with cast-offs, has-beens and never-really-weres, Spanish football's Expendables. As if that was not enough, their main striker had joined on loan from Sevilla – where he had scored one goal in five years – and had a clause in his contract saying that he automatically had to return if he scored 18 goals this season, which he was never going to do. So when he got to 17 he suddenly picked up a mysterious "injury" that meant he missed the final, decisive games of the season. And still they made it into Europe for the first time ever. So what's the secret? The secret, says the club's doctor, is simple: "Beer and pizza."




In a season of superlatives and insanity, Levante are kindasorta the story of the season. (This is not just because I am a culé.) When he was asked why fans gave him such a horrible reception at Dinamo Zagreb, Cristiano Ronaldo quipped that perhaps they were jealous of him because he was rich, handsome, and a great player. That weekend Levante put up banners admitting they were "poor, ugly, and bad at football". They beat Real Madrid 1-0. That's the kind of story they were.

levity: (clarity)
Fuck it, Guaje. Abi. Sometimes I hate football so much.

Profile

levity: (Default)
levity

December 2012

S M T W T F S
      1
2 345678
9101112131415
16 17 1819202122
23242526272829
30 31     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 19th, 2017 11:44 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios