I don't even need your love
Apr. 12th, 2012 11:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
levityYesterday my mother and I went to Cardinal Santos to be part of the cheering squad for my grandmother's cataract operation. Tito Angel turned the waiting time into coffee and picnic time, which I suppose is par for the course for family, and afterwards Lola Emma was irritated that we'd all had merienda while she was under general anaesthesia, so we went to the newly-opened Pancake House right beside the hospital's parking lot, and it was right there on the wall beside the Deathly Hallows poster, the iconic You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies. I grinned like a loon the entire time.
This is the really annoying thing about fandom: it sneaks up on you. It's like that overused Neil Gaiman quote, where you're going about your perfectly good life and one day a friend of yours goes on and on about this brilliant professional athlete with a childhood growth hormone deficiency while this major international tournament for a sport you always knew existed but never really cared about is going on in the background, and the next thing you know Argentina's kicked out of the World Cup after losing to Germany four-nil and something inside of you twists and you're searching for all the old articles and all the fic alike because you need everything- you need to see more of this person and you need story like breathing and who cares if you haven't eaten anything but Nutella in two days. (I did this. My advice is not to, but if you're intent on it, make sure you buy the largest jar of Nutella there is, for easy consumption.)
Or reading the thousand love stories of werewolf teachers and overlarge black dogs, or of time-displaced super soldiers and genius billionaire playboy philanthropists, or of angels with bookshops and demons with Bentleys who have lived far too long and far too much to be anything but somewhat human. Or unable to think of Istanbul without feeling nostalgic for something you never had, or of Krispy Kreme without grinning through gritted teeth. Or laughing your head off whenever someone says "Don't let me detain you", or mentions marlin or trout.
It's ridiculous. I walked past the punk prophet genius billionaire traitor poster in the Taft MRT station for four months and it didn't mean anything, and now I'm listening to Somebody That I Used to Know on repeat and going through all the Andrew Garfield pictures and I make stupid faces when people mention chicken and I don't even think The Social Network is a fantastic movie. It doesn't manage to portray misogynistic characters without being a misogynistic movie and it doesn't say anything we don't already know about technology and how futures are seen and shaped and how those ways have changed but there was Mark saying that he'd wanted to work with Eduardo because Eduardo was his best friend during the Winklevii's deposition and then looking at Eduardo's empty chair and there was don't fish eat other fish and there was Mark's panicked phone call, if one domino goes all the other dominoes go, while on the other end Eduardo's putting out the fire threatening to consume his bed and all around falling to pieces and there was that fucking hallway scene, I need you out here, please don't tell him I said that and what do you mean get left behind, I cannot watch that scene without feeling physically ill because if those idiots had just listened to each other- and there was eighteen thousand dollars, will that get you through the summer and I was your only friend and everything that had changed in Eduardo between those two scenes and there was sorry my Prada's at the cleaners along with my hoodie and my fuck-you flip-flops, gods, Eduardo, I love you so much and there was Erica Albright's entire breakup speech-
And I don't know if lots and lots of great moments can make up for things like, say, Eduardo's little speech on Asian girls, or the entire Christy Lee groupie/jealous harpy dismissal thing, but sometimes you have feelings and then, as they say, fandom happens to you. It is an amazing fandom. I love it to pieces.
This is the really annoying thing about fandom: it sneaks up on you. It's like that overused Neil Gaiman quote, where you're going about your perfectly good life and one day a friend of yours goes on and on about this brilliant professional athlete with a childhood growth hormone deficiency while this major international tournament for a sport you always knew existed but never really cared about is going on in the background, and the next thing you know Argentina's kicked out of the World Cup after losing to Germany four-nil and something inside of you twists and you're searching for all the old articles and all the fic alike because you need everything- you need to see more of this person and you need story like breathing and who cares if you haven't eaten anything but Nutella in two days. (I did this. My advice is not to, but if you're intent on it, make sure you buy the largest jar of Nutella there is, for easy consumption.)
Or reading the thousand love stories of werewolf teachers and overlarge black dogs, or of time-displaced super soldiers and genius billionaire playboy philanthropists, or of angels with bookshops and demons with Bentleys who have lived far too long and far too much to be anything but somewhat human. Or unable to think of Istanbul without feeling nostalgic for something you never had, or of Krispy Kreme without grinning through gritted teeth. Or laughing your head off whenever someone says "Don't let me detain you", or mentions marlin or trout.
It's ridiculous. I walked past the punk prophet genius billionaire traitor poster in the Taft MRT station for four months and it didn't mean anything, and now I'm listening to Somebody That I Used to Know on repeat and going through all the Andrew Garfield pictures and I make stupid faces when people mention chicken and I don't even think The Social Network is a fantastic movie. It doesn't manage to portray misogynistic characters without being a misogynistic movie and it doesn't say anything we don't already know about technology and how futures are seen and shaped and how those ways have changed but there was Mark saying that he'd wanted to work with Eduardo because Eduardo was his best friend during the Winklevii's deposition and then looking at Eduardo's empty chair and there was don't fish eat other fish and there was Mark's panicked phone call, if one domino goes all the other dominoes go, while on the other end Eduardo's putting out the fire threatening to consume his bed and all around falling to pieces and there was that fucking hallway scene, I need you out here, please don't tell him I said that and what do you mean get left behind, I cannot watch that scene without feeling physically ill because if those idiots had just listened to each other- and there was eighteen thousand dollars, will that get you through the summer and I was your only friend and everything that had changed in Eduardo between those two scenes and there was sorry my Prada's at the cleaners along with my hoodie and my fuck-you flip-flops, gods, Eduardo, I love you so much and there was Erica Albright's entire breakup speech-
And I don't know if lots and lots of great moments can make up for things like, say, Eduardo's little speech on Asian girls, or the entire Christy Lee groupie/jealous harpy dismissal thing, but sometimes you have feelings and then, as they say, fandom happens to you. It is an amazing fandom. I love it to pieces.
