levity | this is the post you've all been waiting for!

... Ang kapal ng mukha ko.

When I was creating this post in my mind- yes, I do create posts in my mind, and when they finally get put down they always always sounded better in my mind- I think I wanted to say that the tiredness had gone, and that despite the five-hour trip to Manila from Pangasinan I wasn't tired but happy. But a lot of things changed that- why is it that when I'm happy something has to come along and ruin it all? but I guess that's the way life goes, you can't have a perfect one-and when I arrived home my post was going to sound like that thing I just said, that something had to ruin my insane happiness, but then a fuse was shot and I couldn't use the computer, so I couldn't write that post either.

And so now I am writing this post, more or less cheerful again. But why am I always more content when nobody's talking to me? Well, when nobody's talking to me except <censored>. May exception pa talaga e...

Side comment: I must be the only person who's happier after the funeral of a loved one. But maybe that's because my brother and my nephew were so noisy and exuberant. But still.

Now, what was it that I wanted to talk about in my original post?

Now I remember. Why I wasn't tired anymore.

I was given another chance. That sounds weird. But I guess it's the truth. Another story, another novel-length thing to work on. I guess it was as good as death for me when I gave up trying to set in writing my old stories and old friends. And I have a new one. Odd thing is it came from a dream, and it was originally about him. And now everyone I know is back with a vengeance, a real vengeance, a vengeance directed at me. Which is kind of comforting, knowing they hadn't forgotten me. Now that's weird, being comforted by a vengeance. But whatever.

As good as death? Isn't that exaggerating? you may ask. But no, it isn't. Because giving up on that was giving up on my dreams, and what is the use of a life without dreams?

And words still don't come, but that's okay. I never thought I'd say that, but it is. I hope they'd come, though- writer's block is draining. I guess for some that won't make sense. I don't care, call me insane if you wish. I won't disagree with you. =3

Random question: How do you tell someone that you don't care about your health? How do you tell someone you don't care for living a long life? How to say that you think of life as a story- for goodness's sake life is a story- in the sense that its length doesn't matter, that what matters is how good it was?

"... maybe i've been the problem, maybe i'm the one to blame
but even when i turn it off and play myself, the outcome feels the same
i've been thinking maybe i've been partly cloudy, maybe i'm the chance of rain
maybe i'm overcast, and maybe all my luck's washed down the drain..."
-Switchfoot, Stars