I just realised something.

[levity]

If I tried my best for the next two schoolyears, I would hate myself for not trying my best earlier.

But if I didn't try my best I would spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I did, and regretting my decisions.

In short, I will never be happy
with my grades
with my abilities
with my decisions
with myself.

Unless everything that proves I ever existed is erased.