answer the questions.

When you tell others to respect others' opinions, do you have to bite back the words, "if and only if they coincide with mine"? Or do you just want others to respect your opinions? Or do you consider yourself above your own rules- after all, you created them?

When you reject others' ideas, is it because better ideas are already laid out? Or because you have better ideas? Because you didn't think of them? Or just because you're absorbing everyone's ideas, thinking of a way to combine them all in a way that could be considered uniquely yours, so that you'd get all the credit?

When you critique others, do you genuinely intend it to be for their own improvement? Or do you just put others down so you can feel like you're the best? So that anyone else who could possibly be competition would feel too hopeless to continue and you would be left unchallenged and undefeated?

When you take up the lead , do you lead for the good of everyone else? When you offer to do a certain task, do you offer out of concern for your classmate or the goodness of your heart? Or do you just work for the sake of your own grade?

Isn't it all just politics? Isn't it all just a play for power and good grades and individual betterment? When it really comes down to it, aren't you just concerned about yourself?

My title is wrong, I realise now.

It should read, "Answer the questions. Honestly."

---

I have always liked Garnet and Champaca- I never regretted being forced into them. I'm afraid I can't say the same for Sodium.

True, I have several friends there, a few people I'm actually glad to be around and who can make me laugh against all odds. But as a whole.... Well, maybe Garnet and Champaca set high standards to live up to but Sodium fails those standards.

The only reason I liked Sodium as a whole was because I could solo the script. I'm serious. That was the first time I was happy to be there, that I didn't want to be in any other section.

But now...

---

I'm supposed to be happy today, since not only was it a Friday, but it also was the day before a prime-numbered date.

I noticed a trend. On odd-numbered days, I'm okay, and no matter what happens I usually end the day all right. And on even-numbered days, I decide.

We met today! JoMiKeAdDaAn! For the first time in the young albeit seemingly-excruciatingly-long school year! All six of us! It's weird not to have any of them in my class- in Garnet we were of course complete and in Champaca I had Chii and Tricia. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't like Sodium... I don't know.

Basta. It's so hard to be unhappy around five of your best friends as they- and you- laugh and exchange stories and witticisms and advice. Seldom do you find friends who are there for you always and whom you can be yourself around, no need for acting. Seldom do you find friends who can make you laugh no matter what and who can make you feel completely at home having lunch on the floor of the front lobby. Seldom do you find friends who give you confidence just by being there.

Oddly enough, I have five- no, seven- of them.

Sometimes, despite everything, I notice out of the blue how lucky I am.

---

We read Jupiter's essay describing Thea. Out loud. In turns. Except for Thea, of course. I gave up easily since I choked on my own laughter.

---

Yup, I noticed that you have an aversion to death, but sometimes I can't just shut up, can I? I'm sorry- do you understand that? I'm sorry for the talking about things that I think that you ask about that my mouth can't seem to keep inside. I'm sorry for hurting you and for destroying your belief in me. I'm sorry for having to tell you everything- sometimes, in my insensitive idiocy, I don't know how seriously you take some things.

Every time we have a serious fight I'm always the one to apologise, did you notice that? No matter if something I said annoyed you or if I was annoyed and hurt by something you said, I usually always apologise first. I sometimes think I say sorry more than I say anything else. Well, except for maybe pangit ka. But do you see the point? And I don't care- I don't mind and I don't care if I'm always at fault. I rather agree with you, actually. But don't say I don't care about you, because I do. You just don't believe me.

I wonder what I could do to make you believe me. I could post it over the school the way we talked about if you that would make you listen- I'd even have it approved by the SSD and sign my name if I had to. I can say so here, in this blog, in this entry. There are no limits. If you want me to give up the script I will. If you want me to kill him I will. If you want me to leave you alone for the next half century- well, it'll hurt but I will. Maybe I sound insane and maybe I sound pitiful, and I don't really care what others think of me. Sometimes I lose proportion of things and this is one of those cases, since what you think matters more than anything else in the world.

I know, I know. I should have said this all earlier at school, but I didn't dare ruin the mood and I didn't want to fight again. Plus I take courage in the fact that you will probably not read this sometime soon.

Not to mention that it's infinitely easier to be the accuser than the accused.

And yeah.

I still love you.

answer the questions.

When you tell others to respect others' opinions, do you have to bite back the words, "if and only if they coincide with mine"? Or do you just want others to respect your opinions? Or do you consider yourself above your own rules- after all, you created them?

When you reject others' ideas, is it because better ideas are already laid out? Or because you have better ideas? Because you didn't think of them? Or just because you're absorbing everyone's ideas, thinking of a way to combine them all in a way that could be considered uniquely yours, so that you'd get all the credit?

When you critique others, do you genuinely intend it to be for their own improvement? Or do you just put others down so you can feel like you're the best? So that anyone else who could possibly be competition would feel too hopeless to continue and you would be left unchallenged and undefeated?

When you take up the lead , do you lead for the good of everyone else? When you offer to do a certain task, do you offer out of concern for your classmate or the goodness of your heart? Or do you just work for the sake of your own grade?

Isn't it all just politics? Isn't it all just a play for power and good grades and individual betterment? When it really comes down to it, aren't you just concerned about yourself?

My title is wrong, I realise now.

It should read, "Answer the questions. Honestly."

---

I have always liked Garnet and Champaca- I never regretted being forced into them. I'm afraid I can't say the same for Sodium.

True, I have several friends there, a few people I'm actually glad to be around and who can make me laugh against all odds. But as a whole.... Well, maybe Garnet and Champaca set high standards to live up to but Sodium fails those standards.

The only reason I liked Sodium as a whole was because I could solo the script. I'm serious. That was the first time I was happy to be there, that I didn't want to be in any other section.

But now...

---

I'm supposed to be happy today, since not only was it a Friday, but it also was the day before a prime-numbered date.

I noticed a trend. On odd-numbered days, I'm okay, and no matter what happens I usually end the day all right. And on even-numbered days, I decide.

We met today! JoMiKeAdDaAn! For the first time in the young albeit seemingly-excruciatingly-long school year! All six of us! It's weird not to have any of them in my class- in Garnet we were of course complete and in Champaca I had Chii and Tricia. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't like Sodium... I don't know.

Basta. It's so hard to be unhappy around five of your best friends as they- and you- laugh and exchange stories and witticisms and advice. Seldom do you find friends who are there for you always and whom you can be yourself around, no need for acting. Seldom do you find friends who can make you laugh no matter what and who can make you feel completely at home having lunch on the floor of the front lobby. Seldom do you find friends who give you confidence just by being there.

Oddly enough, I have five- no, seven- of them.

Sometimes, despite everything, I notice out of the blue how lucky I am.

---

We read Jupiter's essay describing Thea. Out loud. In turns. Except for Thea, of course. I gave up easily since I choked on my own laughter.

---

Yup, I noticed that you have an aversion to death, but sometimes I can't just shut up, can I? I'm sorry- do you understand that? I'm sorry for the talking about things that I think that you ask about that my mouth can't seem to keep inside. I'm sorry for hurting you and for destroying your belief in me. I'm sorry for having to tell you everything- sometimes, in my insensitive idiocy, I don't know how seriously you take some things.

Every time we have a serious fight I'm always the one to apologise, did you notice that? No matter if something I said annoyed you or if I was annoyed and hurt by something you said, I usually always apologise first. I sometimes think I say sorry more than I say anything else. Well, except for maybe pangit ka. But do you see the point? And I don't care- I don't mind and I don't care if I'm always at fault. I rather agree with you, actually. But don't say I don't care about you, because I do. You just don't believe me.

I wonder what I could do to make you believe me. I could post it over the school the way we talked about if you that would make you listen- I'd even have it approved by the SSD and sign my name if I had to. I can say so here, in this blog, in this entry. There are no limits. If you want me to give up the script I will. If you want me to kill him I will. If you want me to leave you alone for the next half century- well, it'll hurt but I will. Maybe I sound insane and maybe I sound pitiful, and I don't really care what others think of me. Sometimes I lose proportion of things and this is one of those cases, since what you think matters more than anything else in the world.

I know, I know. I should have said this all earlier at school, but I didn't dare ruin the mood and I didn't want to fight again. Plus I take courage in the fact that you will probably not read this sometime soon.

Not to mention that it's infinitely easier to be the accuser than the accused.

And yeah.

I still love you.