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Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.
Jun. 21st, 2008
Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.
Everything is Illuminated
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:31 pmI love you, she said. I do.
No you don't, he said.
But I do, she said, touching his hair.
No. It's OK. I know you're much smarter than me, Brod, and that I'm not good enough for you. I was always waiting for you to figure it out. Every day. I felt like the czar's food taster, waiting for the night when the dinner would be poisoned.
Stop, she said. It's not true. I do love you.
You stop.
But I love you.
It's OK. I'm OK. She touched the puffy blackness around his left eye. The down, which the saw blade had released from the pillow, clung to the tears on their cheeks. Listen, he said, I'll be dead soon.
Stop.
We both know it.
Stop.
There's no use in avoiding it.
Stop.
And I wonder if you could just pretend for a while, if we could pretend to love each other. Until I'm gone.
Silence.
No you don't, he said.
But I do, she said, touching his hair.
No. It's OK. I know you're much smarter than me, Brod, and that I'm not good enough for you. I was always waiting for you to figure it out. Every day. I felt like the czar's food taster, waiting for the night when the dinner would be poisoned.
Stop, she said. It's not true. I do love you.
You stop.
But I love you.
It's OK. I'm OK. She touched the puffy blackness around his left eye. The down, which the saw blade had released from the pillow, clung to the tears on their cheeks. Listen, he said, I'll be dead soon.
Stop.
We both know it.
Stop.
There's no use in avoiding it.
Stop.
And I wonder if you could just pretend for a while, if we could pretend to love each other. Until I'm gone.
Silence.
Everything is Illuminated
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:31 pmI love you, she said. I do.
No you don't, he said.
But I do, she said, touching his hair.
No. It's OK. I know you're much smarter than me, Brod, and that I'm not good enough for you. I was always waiting for you to figure it out. Every day. I felt like the czar's food taster, waiting for the night when the dinner would be poisoned.
Stop, she said. It's not true. I do love you.
You stop.
But I love you.
It's OK. I'm OK. She touched the puffy blackness around his left eye. The down, which the saw blade had released from the pillow, clung to the tears on their cheeks. Listen, he said, I'll be dead soon.
Stop.
We both know it.
Stop.
There's no use in avoiding it.
Stop.
And I wonder if you could just pretend for a while, if we could pretend to love each other. Until I'm gone.
Silence.
No you don't, he said.
But I do, she said, touching his hair.
No. It's OK. I know you're much smarter than me, Brod, and that I'm not good enough for you. I was always waiting for you to figure it out. Every day. I felt like the czar's food taster, waiting for the night when the dinner would be poisoned.
Stop, she said. It's not true. I do love you.
You stop.
But I love you.
It's OK. I'm OK. She touched the puffy blackness around his left eye. The down, which the saw blade had released from the pillow, clung to the tears on their cheeks. Listen, he said, I'll be dead soon.
Stop.
We both know it.
Stop.
There's no use in avoiding it.
Stop.
And I wonder if you could just pretend for a while, if we could pretend to love each other. Until I'm gone.
Silence.