and I'm on my way to believing

Every time the birthday rolls around and the greetings with it I am reminded how absurdly blessed I am. From Guia texting me a happy equinox at 7:30 p.m. the day before to Manang Elsa calling at 6:30 in the morning, perfect timing, to Mother not calling, to Tella texting a greeting completely forgetting we had an exam the same day, to Thea Pascasio asking me if "quantifiably" was a word before using it for her message on my Facebook wall (Nineteen ka na, pwede na tayo), to Epi and Kevin Llamas singing happy birthday (the latter slightly off-key) as we left from our IDC meeting with Dr. Mantaring, to Allen posting a greeting at midnight and Billy and Allison and Thea making a deal about it because they knew as well as I did that that was the best birthday gift I could want. I don't know wat I can ever hope to do that will make all this deserved. I don't.

and I'm on my way to believing

Every time the birthday rolls around and the greetings with it I am reminded how absurdly blessed I am. From Guia texting me a happy equinox at 7:30 p.m. the day before to Manang Elsa calling at 6:30 in the morning, perfect timing, to Mother not calling, to Tella texting a greeting completely forgetting we had an exam the same day, to Thea Pascasio asking me if "quantifiably" was a word before using it for her message on my Facebook wall (Nineteen ka na, pwede na tayo), to Epi and Kevin Llamas singing happy birthday (the latter slightly off-key) as we left from our IDC meeting with Dr. Mantaring, to Allen posting a greeting at midnight and Billy and Allison and Thea making a deal about it because they knew as well as I did that that was the best birthday gift I could want. I don't know wat I can ever hope to do that will make all this deserved. I don't.

Variation on the Word Sleep- Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and as you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

Variation on the Word Sleep- Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and as you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.