if you want to have a run-through don't interrupt it with comments (and other random things)

[levity]

I'm serious. Sort of. If I can ever really be serious without being self-centered. But then again, it's sort-of self-centered, so there.

Because honestly, it rather defits the purpose of having a run-through in the first place. You could have just called it a regular practice.

Speaking of which! We even have a practice tomorrow. I have no idea why our directors are so diligent. No, that is wrong- I have an idea. I have several ideas, in fact. I just don't know which is right. I don't know if they want the class to succeed, or if they just think of themselves. I'd like to learn to be optimistic. I'd like to stop thinking the worst of people. But if this is the cost of non-blindness to others' actions I'd pay it. Though not always gladly.

---

For some reason, I'm having a hard time posting. I don't know why. It used to be only natural- all I had to do was spin a story, in a way as natural as breathing. All I had to do was talk of Champaca, of corny jokes and inane friendships, of memories, comparisons, theories, random thoughts. But  now, I'm just stuck. There's a lot I can't talk about- and there's nothing else.

Sort of.

I hate ideas- I hate ideas so powerful they shake you and disrupt the course of your life, ideas that force you out of bed no matter how sleepy you are and no matter how much your eyes hurt just to get written down, ideas that come in the middle of STR cramming sessions or math long tests that just beg you to forget everything else and concentrate on them, ideas that burst out of your mind during a five-hour trip that leave you unable to relax, waiting for stoplights or traffic jams so you can pull out notebook and paper and scribble for a few seconds before the car begins to move again.

But what I hate more is having no ideas, especially so when you want them to come, when it's raining hard and you have no schoolwork and you're too stubborn to sleep and it's the perfect time for writing.

What I hate the most, though, is having ideas you can't share, for any reason whatsoever, espceially so if they're good ones.

Why on earth do I hate so many things?

---

I like cancer, because it gives me topics for STR.

I like pathogenic bacteria, since they're fun to work with.

So are matches.

So are alcohol lamps.

Burns, however, are not. And I'm speaking from experience here. Go Labtech!

---

The most annoying thing in the world is knowing that you are willing to give up so much for someone- and knowing that no matter what you do, that someone will still not believe in you. WIll continue pushing you away. Will never believe they mean more to you than your STR grades, more than everything else in this world combined.

The least annoying thing in this world is the fact that that someone can make you happy by just existing, even though they're actually giving you hell.

I wonder if that someone ever gets annoyed at the fact that, despite their giving you hell, you still like being around them. Because I know for sure that if I give someone hell I want them to feel as though they're being given hell.

Then again, I feel as though I'm being given hell. I'd just rather be given hell by that specific someone than by anyone else.

If you understood that, I give you credit.

If you didn't, I'm not surprised.