why, I ask of you, are there classes on a Saturday and none on a Monday?

[levity]

I think I know the answer. The government. Not that I'm complaining. Well, maybe I am. But seriously, we're pressed for time as is, and holidays are still called- and rest periods are called off to make up for what has been lost. I know that we're supposed to honor our national heroes on this day, but if I were them and I saw this country in its present state I'd run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

I'm partially serious. =>

---

Finally. It's over. Our Ramayana, the precious play I wrote and have grown to love and wish never even existed, after endless cancellations and even more endless practices, is over. Though Ma'am Bernal said we have to present it again. I don't think I want to present it again- not after all the scenes I hated and told myself on the day of the play that this was the last time I'd ever be performing them ever have finally been, well, not perfected, but close enough to win Ma'am Bernal's approval.

Yup. The RamayaNa is sort of like a relationship that has gone awry. You start out loving it, you learn to grow tired of it and eventually despise it, and once it's done with you want to make sure it stays in its grave.

But Pisay requirements never stop. Di-kumbensyonal na musika ata yun. Sabayang pag-iingay daw, sabi ni Sir Nat, and I agree, even now. => I hope I don't hate Sodium by the end of the school year. I used to like class activities but they're slowly becoming hell.

---

A quote from, of all people, Bonggi.

"... kailan nga ba namamatay ang tao, pag nabaril ba sya, nalunod, tinamaan ng kidlat, nadaganan ng mga gusali, pero sa pagkakaalam ko, namamatay lang ang tao pag nawala lang sila sa isip at damdamin ng ibang tao..."

So true.

---

I wonder that it is only now I realise how shallow I actually am.

Yes, shallow. My stories and problems, the small things I laugh about or want to kill over or try and set down in words for all eternity, mean hardly anything, mean nothing to anyone but me. I focus so much on myself I forget about the world, or about even my classmates, for that matter. I enjoy being random so much I never notice when someone else is offended, is problematic, or just plain has something better to do with their time than talk to me. Yup, I guess that's my fault. But sometimes I want to forget my simple problems that can't be solved, not because I don't know the solutions, but because I lack the resolve to try them out.

Sometimes I enjoy movies or books or anime despite their many faults and flaws, I create stories with no value or meaning or purpose save to waste time, I chatter or argue about the most pointless of things. I like them, don't get me wrong. I like being shallow at times. But the rest of the time I wonder if I am doomed to have no more substance than water vapor.

---

"I was scared... of myself. I am my own biggest critic. And the hardest thing to face is that no amount of practice will make me as good as the principal actor, or even as the image inside my head..."
-the Bio. teacher sa Pisay movie