after the perfection...
Jan. 29th, 2007 08:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
levityOf course, perfection doesn't last. I have just proven that. I think that after a streak of lucky days, there is bound to come one really, really unlucky one. Or maybe that's just me. Me and my being a complete failure at everything I set myself out to do.
Sir Bioman showed us our grades today. The good news is, I'm in the DL. But what an average. 1.482.
Many of you won't understand this. Many of you will say, "DL naman e!" And I understand that. I understand the fact that you may not understand my discontent at having a DL-worthy average, at getting higher scores in almost all my subjects. Even Algebra! I never dreamed of improving in Algeb., but I did- from 2.00 to 1.75. That was beyond my wildest dreams.
But, you see, I'm not just after the DL-ness, or after a few improved grades.
I want to improve. Totally. Completely. Almost beyond recognition.I love it when I see that my grades show improvement in something. I have nothing to prove to the world- I don't need to show that I can get in a list. But I do need to know that I can, in fact, do better than what I have been doing.
I didn't. My average went down from 1.46 to 1.482, largely because of Com. Sci., which went down to 2.25 from either 1.5 or 1.75.
I have nothing to prove to the world, but everything to prove to myself. I need to show myself that I can do what I set my mind to, that I'm not just a failure set upon this world to plague its inhabitants, that dreams can be, when placed in the right hands, more than just dreams.
And I failed.
At nagdrama pa ako. Nagsayang pa ako ng oras ninyo. I'm sorry.
I'm almost wishing I died yesterday. At least I would have died while on a high after all the perfection. Not everyone is lucky enough to die happy.
I'm probably not, but I can always hope.
Sir Bioman showed us our grades today. The good news is, I'm in the DL. But what an average. 1.482.
Many of you won't understand this. Many of you will say, "DL naman e!" And I understand that. I understand the fact that you may not understand my discontent at having a DL-worthy average, at getting higher scores in almost all my subjects. Even Algebra! I never dreamed of improving in Algeb., but I did- from 2.00 to 1.75. That was beyond my wildest dreams.
But, you see, I'm not just after the DL-ness, or after a few improved grades.
I want to improve. Totally. Completely. Almost beyond recognition.I love it when I see that my grades show improvement in something. I have nothing to prove to the world- I don't need to show that I can get in a list. But I do need to know that I can, in fact, do better than what I have been doing.
I didn't. My average went down from 1.46 to 1.482, largely because of Com. Sci., which went down to 2.25 from either 1.5 or 1.75.
I have nothing to prove to the world, but everything to prove to myself. I need to show myself that I can do what I set my mind to, that I'm not just a failure set upon this world to plague its inhabitants, that dreams can be, when placed in the right hands, more than just dreams.
And I failed.
At nagdrama pa ako. Nagsayang pa ako ng oras ninyo. I'm sorry.
I'm almost wishing I died yesterday. At least I would have died while on a high after all the perfection. Not everyone is lucky enough to die happy.
I'm probably not, but I can always hope.
