the one and only

I am probably the one and only DL in this world who spent about half of her day crying- yes, crying- about her grades.

I promise I try to be content. Everyone keeps on telling me to be. My classmates say that, after all, I'm in the DL. The less fortunate ones say that I have no failing marks. My mother says that I am the prime example of someone who has everything going for me. And yet, I'm discontent.

I don't know why.

I don't know why I feel the need to get higher grades, to be the best, to prove to myself that I can be someone. Seriously- one would have to be very intelligent to just get into Pisay, after all. But- I do. Maybe it's a psychological disorder. My family wants to seek professional help on it, since they're getting worried about me. I don't blame them. I would worry myself if I weren't so used to myself.

Thing is, I can't do anything about this psychological disorder. Maybe life would be better without it, but I just don't think so. I can't get rid of it- that'd be like getting rid of an essential part of me.

My head hurts from worrying about my grades and trying to do the Com. Sci. thingy and all the reading in the improper light, but I don't care. Well, actually, I do, I'm just trying not to mind.

---

On the other hand, my father and brother arrived today from Pangasinan.

And yesterday was another imperfectly-perfect day. Ang saya kaya, at ang lamig pagdating ng hapon.

August had a "challenge": that Champaca's classroom was unique in terms of electrical sockets. So far, he hasn't proved right.

I had to jump to see the sockets through the glass panes on the doors. He didn't have to rub it in my face that he was taller than me.

The Algeb. test was rather like the Geom. test. I knew how to answer the questions, I tried doing the arithmetic mentally, I didn't finish it, but I think I did my best.

I don't know if my best is a lot or what, but hey, I hardly ever think I can do my best in something.

For the first time in my life, I indulged my vanity by taking pictures upon pictures of myself. And not for the first time in my life, I let loose my nerdiness when I saw a jet plane flying in the sky. I said the jetstreams formed a parabola, and the vertex was the jet plane. Chii said that the jetstreams formed parallel lines. Maricor said na ang nerd namin.

And, to Tricia and Anna, BAKIT SI ****** PA?

Just because I don't hate him doesn't mean I like him.

---

Total summary of yesterday and today: Grades can do a lot to dampen moods, but they can only dampen moods if you let them.

And friends can do a lot to bring up those moods, but, as is the case with grades, only if you let them.

To my friends: I thank you all.

"... i walk a lonely road
the only one that i have ever known
don't know where it goes
but it's home to me and i walk alone

i walk this empty street
on the boulevard of broken dreams
where the city sleeps
and i'm the only one and i walk alone

my shadow's the only one that walks beside me
my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
sometimes i wish someone out there will find me
'till then i walk alone..."
-Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams

the one and only

I am probably the one and only DL in this world who spent about half of her day crying- yes, crying- about her grades.

I promise I try to be content. Everyone keeps on telling me to be. My classmates say that, after all, I'm in the DL. The less fortunate ones say that I have no failing marks. My mother says that I am the prime example of someone who has everything going for me. And yet, I'm discontent.

I don't know why.

I don't know why I feel the need to get higher grades, to be the best, to prove to myself that I can be someone. Seriously- one would have to be very intelligent to just get into Pisay, after all. But- I do. Maybe it's a psychological disorder. My family wants to seek professional help on it, since they're getting worried about me. I don't blame them. I would worry myself if I weren't so used to myself.

Thing is, I can't do anything about this psychological disorder. Maybe life would be better without it, but I just don't think so. I can't get rid of it- that'd be like getting rid of an essential part of me.

My head hurts from worrying about my grades and trying to do the Com. Sci. thingy and all the reading in the improper light, but I don't care. Well, actually, I do, I'm just trying not to mind.

---

On the other hand, my father and brother arrived today from Pangasinan.

And yesterday was another imperfectly-perfect day. Ang saya kaya, at ang lamig pagdating ng hapon.

August had a "challenge": that Champaca's classroom was unique in terms of electrical sockets. So far, he hasn't proved right.

I had to jump to see the sockets through the glass panes on the doors. He didn't have to rub it in my face that he was taller than me.

The Algeb. test was rather like the Geom. test. I knew how to answer the questions, I tried doing the arithmetic mentally, I didn't finish it, but I think I did my best.

I don't know if my best is a lot or what, but hey, I hardly ever think I can do my best in something.

For the first time in my life, I indulged my vanity by taking pictures upon pictures of myself. And not for the first time in my life, I let loose my nerdiness when I saw a jet plane flying in the sky. I said the jetstreams formed a parabola, and the vertex was the jet plane. Chii said that the jetstreams formed parallel lines. Maricor said na ang nerd namin.

And, to Tricia and Anna, BAKIT SI ****** PA?

Just because I don't hate him doesn't mean I like him.

---

Total summary of yesterday and today: Grades can do a lot to dampen moods, but they can only dampen moods if you let them.

And friends can do a lot to bring up those moods, but, as is the case with grades, only if you let them.

To my friends: I thank you all.

"... i walk a lonely road
the only one that i have ever known
don't know where it goes
but it's home to me and i walk alone

i walk this empty street
on the boulevard of broken dreams
where the city sleeps
and i'm the only one and i walk alone

my shadow's the only one that walks beside me
my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
sometimes i wish someone out there will find me
'till then i walk alone..."
-Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams