evil and its company

[levity]

The story I was supposed to write for English but have not yet bothered to start, oddly enough, got me thinking about evil. I don't know why, since the English thing was supposed to be about love. Maybe it's just another application of entropy. If there is love, there is evil.

But I can tell my friends thought me very weird when I started talking about evil.

According to August (I didn't have a dictionary at hand then and I don't know the dictionary definition of evil since I never needed to look in a dictionary to know the meaning of the word evil), evil is defined as "the existence of moral torpitude in the human soul." That's according to the 1970 dictionary. Now, in terms of computers and science and other stuff, the 1970 dictionary is pretty much outdated, but probably not in the case of evil. Well, maybe yes in the case of evil, since to catch up with the few good people and the many people who think they're good evil probably has to mutate, to evolve, like viruses. But the general idea of evil is the same.

Some think of evil as simply the absence of good, the same way black is the absence of all colors of light. But the colors of light are only absent because the black material absorbs it. So- good is only absent if it is absorbed? Or is my simile wrong? And is it a physical, so to speak, absence of good, like a patch of cold air on a warm night, or merely a state where good is absent? But a state wherein good is absent is only apathy.

There are two ways I think of evil when I think of it as something that exists in the human soul.

When I'm feeling particularly cynical, I like to think of evil as an inborn trait. Children are all, in the basest sense of the word, evil. They are selfish, they only care about what they want, others and others' emotions don't exist to them. Those that are evil think the same way: everything they do is centered on themselves, on what they want, on what they believe to be right. The rest of us evolve, are influenced by society, the rest of us control or at least limit our selfishness. We are taught to think that centering everything on ourselves is wrong. The criminals are the only ones who don't grow up, who never learn.

And when I'm not, I think of it as influence from outside factors, such as the culture and the environment people grow up in. Thanks to that, I can safely say that evil depends on the person. For instance, now we are taught that killing people is "wrong", that it is "evil", and we all know that killing someone is a major offence. Okay, fine, it is punishable by death, and not just by being kicked out of school. But for those who go by Machiavelli's principle that the end justifies the means, killing a person is not "wrong", that it is not an act of "evil", since it was done for good reason. And there were times ever so long ago that killing people to get what one wanted was acceptable, and it was called human sacrifice.

The complete nature of evil is secret. Like goodness, it does not seek to be known; like goodness, people try to learn it; like goodness, it is debated upon; but unlike goodness, it is not praised.

---

Cynicism comes hand in hand with evil, so small wonder I was so cynical during the Miting de Avance, despite Art (the Champacers will understand what I mean, Art today was completely comically hysterically insane): I had been thinking about love and evil and love and evil all day. Well, I wasn't thinking about love and evil all day, I was trying to think about a story for English, which involved love. Epal lang ang evil.

---

"And why are you writing and thinking about evil when you're supposed to be listening to the Miting de Avance?" Kisara asked.

I shrugged. I didn't want to give her an answer, since that answer might drive away my mad thoughts, but since my answer was cynical, it could help me build up on my said mad thoughts. So I answered: "Since the entire thing is pointless anyway."

Kisara raised an eyebrow. "Pointless? And you say you're trying not to be a cynic."

"I try. Anyways"- I glanced about me, not gesturing as Kisara did not need  the gesturing- "look at this place. Has it changed? No. Have the usual string of events, in general and not in particular, changed? No. You see, all they talk about is change, talk about projects, talk about involvement, in short talk about ideals. But no change happens. A place may change, a person may change, but organizations? Hardly. If a system is inefficient, if a system is corrupt, it is likely to remain so. A system is based on a group of people, and it is hard if not impossible for a group to change, change enough that it would make a difference. For change to happen in a group everyone in that group has to change, and at the same rate, and in the same direction. Everyone, in short, has to act the same, and that's difficult, to say the least, unless that everyone is completely under the thumb of some smart dictator. And then that dictator has to make sure no one can think to ensure that no one will revolt, and we can't have that, can we? And even if we did, without new ideas, without suggestions, without innovations, we still would not improve."

"And," I added as an afterthought, "they're all being too idealistic."

Kisara laughed. "The idealism is forgivable. Everyone has their dreams, and, as you said, without dreams of betterment we would not improve."

"True. But it's wrong to believe that those dreams can be achieved when in fact they cannot, and even more so to delude others into believing the same."

"It's not wrong to dream the impossible, and if they set their dreams in stone there's a small chance they might work for them, and if they work for those dreams, they may come close to achieving them, which is better than nothing."

"You're just looking for an excuse for your apathy," Lia told me.

:I am not," I swiftly defended. "I'm apathetic, maybe even antipathetic, and proud of it."

"Why?" Kisara demanded. "Apathy never amounted to anything good, and, contrary to popular belief, it does amount to the deterioration of society. If everyone were to be apathetic there would be no dreams, none of the improvements that we both- that we all- hope for. I say hope for, since we are not deserving of these improvements if we are apathetic."

"Sara. I hardly matter, face it. I won't say that I don't matter, because I do, but hardly. I'm like a single brain cell in a complex organism. I have my own observations and my own reactions, but it is the reaction of the majority of the brain cells the larger organism will follow."

"Asmie. You never know, the majority of the brain cells may share your reaction."

"You'll do better to say that they might. It's not likely to happen," I said flatly.

Lia's tone was cool and collected. "You're not the ony one in the world with common sense, Miasma. Stop being so high and mighty."

I try, I thought, just as much as I try not be cynical. But some things don't happen.

---

But even all that evil and all that cynicism cannot darken my mood. Generally when I'm cynical that means I'm in a good mood, and that good mood was made even better by my friends (especially Macoy, Edz, Anna, Abby, Tricia, Chii, Jenny, Thea, Guia, August. And that's in no particular order, but I did save the worst for last. (No offence August.)) and my family. I swear, discussions about Geom., Physics, and Biology can work wonders. Or maybe that's just because I'm a nerd who relates everything to lessons, and everyone else is amused by me.

And save is not the right term for that.