tomorrow is our permanent address

After the game the boss congratulated Harper and the away fans stood in the stands singing and the boys walked over to applaud them because holy carp what a season and Per's hug made Rosa look tiny and Olivier carried Kos across the pitch and Bac sprayed water on everybody and fourth place never looked so good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you all. Happy St. Totteringham's.

You know you're really fucking exhausted when you find that you've slept through your team's goal. Good one, Per.


ETA: I know that I am half asleep and kind of sleepwalking through this game and all, because unofficial social medicine week was great but the kind of exhausting you only feel as a crash when you get home, but how could I not have noticed that Sian Massey was on the line? What a great human being.

Now win this one, Arsenal.

ALL OUR DEFENDERS ARE FORWARDS IN DISGUISE THERE’S REALLY NO POINT IN SAYING OTHERWISE. I LOVE YOU, NACHO MONREAL.


ETA: THANK YOU GERVINHO. THANK YOU ARSENAL FOR NOT BEING THE COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE ROLLERCOASTER EVERYONE EXPECTED YOU TO BE. I LOVE YOU ALL STRAIGHTFORWARDLY WITH NO COMPLEXITIES OR PRIDE.

Arsenal, what the hell, this is an absolute unmitigated disaster.


ETA: Okay, it was not the complete disaster it could have been, and Theo you are a godsend and Verma you are a miracle, but still.

If you are flinging mud at and/or making stupid smartass comments at the expense of my team and my manager I will assume that it is because you love them and are fed up with the way they've been running the show. If not then I reserve the right to dislike you immensely.

Arsenal FC, YOU ARE DEPRESSING. YOU ARE SO DEPRESSING I DO NOT KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER. That is a lie, of course, but it's the spirit of the thing.


ETA just as I was writing this: I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT ALL BACK. AAARSENAL.


ETA 2: Why do people even bother with the whole "Say what you like about Arsenal, they're never boring" route? I say what I like about Arsenal! And they are never boring! I'd just like crushing wins and holding on to two-goal leads once in a while! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THE DRAMA ALL THE TIME, ARSENAL.

But Olivier Giroud, though.

GOOOOOL. GOOOOOL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SCORED, MY STREAM IS AT A STANDSTILL HALF THE TIME AND PIXELLATED THE OTHER HALF AND I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS AN OWN GOAL BY SOUTHAMPTON, BUT WE ARE 1-0 UP EARLY IN THE GAME AND MY STREAM IS IN SPANISH (I love how they pronounce "Oxlade-Chamberlain". And "Jenkinson".) AND SO I DON'T EVEN CAAAARE, I WILL MILK THIS FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. GOOOOOL. GOOOOOOOL.


ETA: I know the goalscorer's name! It's Hooiveld, which must be ridiculously fun to say, though probably not as much as "salpingooophorectomy".


ETA the second: GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAH, GOLDI POLDI HALLELUJAH. I have not actually seen either of the goals, but I don't want to change my horrible stream because I haven't yet found an exception to the rule that all sports fans are superstitious.


ETA the third: APPARENTLY I AM DOOMED NEVER TO SEE ANY GOALS, BECAUSE IN THE TIME THAT IT TOOK ME TO SWITCH OUT STREAMS WE'VE SCORED TWO. I LOVE THIS TEAM. I LOVE THIS TEAM. AND ONLY AN ARSENAL FAN WOULD EVEN CONSIDER THIS A POSSIBILITY, BUT: GUYS. PLEASE DON'T SCREW THIS UP.


ETA the fourth: I hope to God and Arsene Wenger that I did not jinx this.

Everyone's going to be gushing about Lukas Podolski's wonderful curling freekick (AND RIGHTLY, WALANG SINABI SA IYO SI DAVID BECKHAM, LU-LU-LU-LUKAS PODOLSKI) but I would like to direct your attention to the gorgeous piece of footwork from Santi Cazorla that led to Mikel Arteta's almost lazy assist for Gervinho's goal. And say what you like about Gibbo as a defender (actually, don't, he's a young talented player who tends to make bad decisions, so, typically Arsenal), his performance was fantastic. The argument can be made that all our defenders are wingers in disguise. Whoever made up Verma's chant would certainly agree.


ETA the last: At least I saw Theo's goal. Why the hell is the Guardian's minute-by-minute cover photo Anton Ferdinand ignoring John Terry's handshake? Which really means: John Terry called Anton Ferdinand by a racist slur, no amount of handshaking will do anything about that, so will you please shut it until you and the FA and the rest of British media can show that you can deal with racism beyond banners before games, my gulay.

Gervinho, you belong with us. What can I say, erratic but talented is practically our middle name. Santi Cazorla is a magician and a joy and a sight for sore eyes. Theo, Jenks, Gibbo, Mikel, Wojciech you insane human being- I want to draw hearts around this entire team, but it's not like that's anything new.

SEASON NA SEASON NA SEASON NAAAAAA.

THIS ONE'S OURS. SCREW YOU, RVP, SCREW YOUUUU. IN ARSENE WE TRUST.

HAVE I EVER EXPRESSED THE THOUGHT THAT THE THINGS EXIST THAT MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN ARSENAL FC? IF SO, MEA CULPA. MEA MAXIMA CULPA.

ALSO: WOJCIECH SZCZESNY, ARSENAL'S NUMBER ONE.

---

ETA: We never win the first game of the season, do we?

On the bright side, our new signings are bloody brilliant.

They're playing Wonderwall over at the Etihad, so. (And interviewing Samir Nasri, who's saying that he made the right decision, but I am mature and will ignore him for Mario Balotelli screeching in the background.) I cannot believe my team. I cannot believe Manchester City. I cannot believe this entire league. I cannot even. I have lost my ability to even ever again.

Oh my fucking god.

CONGRATULATIONS, MANCHESTER CITY. GOOD ON YOU. I can't stop smiling.

---

Arsenal. Arsenal. Remember when we were in seventeenth and everyone said we were going to be relegated? Remember that utter travesty of a game at Old Trafford?

And when we lost to Milan 4-0, and then won 3-0 at the Emirates, and when Woj made a penalty save against Liverpool, and when Thierry came back and proceeded to save our sorry gooner behinds so many times, like the big damn hero he is, and when John Terry fell flat on his face at Stamford Bridge, and when Mikel Arteta got us a win against City, and when Robin- where to you even begin, when talking about Robin- and all the times we went 2-0 down and then startled the hell out of everyone?

Third place, and you are hair-pullingly teeth-achingly stressful at the best of times, and guys, I love you all so much.

Pat Rice, thank you for everything.

And as for the rest of you guys: here's to next season.

Arsenal, what the hell, there is only so much I can take from both of my teams within the space of one week, please do not lose this one.


ETA: It seems a bit off-putting to be relieved at Robin's finally getting around to scoring his 28th Premier League goal of the season, but relieved I am. COYG.


ETA2: Well, I asked not to lose this one. I should have been more specific.